I Have An Amazing Dream (Swayembu)

It was the spring of 1996, shortly after I had started out on the yoga path. I was a graduate student at the University of Pennsylvania, a Ph.d. student in Religious Studies. One night, sleeping in my apartment off campus, I had a dream that still seems highly significant. The first thing I recalled from the dream was that I was standing in a line of people to receive darshan (a Sanskrit word roughly translated as “a blessing from a master”), but it wasn’t from a woman (I had been receiving darshan from all women masters), it was a man, and not an Indian-looking man, but a black man, tall and of good build with a short ‘fro. But that’s all of what I recall from that part. So the scene changes, and suddenly I’m sitting on the other side of a table across from this same man, what seemed to be a little bit later in the evening.

And the man, eyes atwinkle, says to me, “Alan, do you remember…” and then he starts speaking in this weird language. The funny thing is that I completely recognize the language, and my entire body immediately gets wildly giddy with excitement. You’ve had dreams when your body goes through some kind of physiological change, like when you have a bad dream? Your heart goes a thumpety-thump-thump? Well, have you ever had a dream where every part of your body becomes like giddy with bliss? That’s what happened — my body was blissed out, not only in the dream, but right there in the bed. I was so excited when he started talking to me in that crazy language, and I had no idea what it was, but at the same time I completely remembered it and him, and it was like I was coming home to a part of me that was lost to my consciousness.

So in the morning I awake, and of course I’ve completely forgotten the dream. I start thinking about the day and, you know, gotta take care of business, and whatever. But as I’m doing my bathroom thing and getting ready to go out, suddenly I notice there’s this word that’s been in my mind and vying for my attention, if I would only tune in.

Have you ever had a word in your mind, and it seems so familiar that you don’t even recognize it’s there, but if you would only stop and think for a second, you would have to ask yourself: “Where did this word suddenly come from? Why am I thinking this?” Actually, this happens all the time, but we usually don’t tune in, and people who work on developing their psychic/intuitive faculties have this experience all the time.

So anyway, there’s this word that has been patiently sitting there in the back of my mind for some time: “Swayembu, Swayembu, Swayembu,” it keeps repeating. Suddenly, I recall the dream I had during the night, and I put two and two together: Okay, this must be one of the words that this man was saying to me. Sounded African to me, which would make sense since this guy had appeared to be of African heritage. So I figured that that’s what he must have been speaking in the dream — some kind of African language. I must have known him from a past life.

So later I’m telling Lila (my mentor at the time) about my dream, and when I get to the part about “Swayembu,” she excitedly says: “Swayembu?! That’s something very sacred to Lord Shiva!” Lila was really into Shiva, you have to understand, so this was for her an auspicious sign. She didn’t really explain what “Swayembu” was at that point, but I was soon to learn more about it from another source…

Here’s where the story takes an even more mystifying turn. As it turns out, that weekend I was scheduled to go with the Sahaja Yoga people up to their newly purchased land in upstate New York where they were going to build an ashram. To make a long story short, one of the things we were going on this trip for was to be in the presence of these sacred rocks that were on the property. According to the Sahaja Yogis, some of the rocks on the property were these especially sacred rocks imbued with cosmic energy. These, they told me, are referred to as…guess what? Swayembus (note: also spelled “Swayambu” and “Swayambhu,” because the Sanskrit can be transliterated different ways).

I was blown away, but I didn’t say anything to anyone. I was still keeping a journal at that point, so I just put it all down in there, what was going on. Not sure if I still have that journal somewhere, don’t think I do. But I do recall the bare bone essentials. Anyway, I call Lila and tell her, and she seems nonchalant about it: “Oh, you’re just tapping into your natural psychic abilities.” And yes, if you’ve developed your natural intuitive potential, that whole thing was run-of-the-mill, but you have to understand that for me at that time this was a big deal. The skeptic in me wondered, though: “Well, maybe I heard the Sahaja people using the word “Swayembu” the week before, it got stuck in my subconscious, and then it manifested in the dream? Simply put, I had heard the word and that’s where it came from. That’s possible, but it still didn’t really explain the dream or why it had made me so blissed out. There was something more going on…

Well, to this day, I still haven’t figured out exactly what was going on there, but I do have one idea, crazy as it may seem. The word “Swayambu” (or Swayembu) is a Sanskrit word meaning “self-born,” and it usually refers to a uniquely-formed rock or natural symbol of the divine that manifests itself spontaneously, just appears out of nowhere. The Shiva lingam is a kind of Swayambu in that is not the product of natural evolution, but is a gift of Shiva himself.

In my personal mythology, there is this view of myself as a kind of Swayambu, as self-born. Because in my personal case, I have to wonder: Where did I come from? I am so different in some ways that other family members, and so unalike most of the people I grew up with. I had a burning desire for knowledge from a young age, and ended up going deep into philosophy, religion, and ultimately yoga.

Just to give you a little sense of what my path has been, here’s a little snippet from a longer piece I’ve been writing on yoga and entheogens:

Until I was in my early twenties, I had no interest in drugs whatsoever. This was because at 14, I made a conscious decision that I wasn’t going to do any mind-altering substance. The ironic thing was that a lot of my peers thought I was on drugs all the time, just because of the way I looked and acted. I had long hair, played the electric guitar, and apparently looked pretty freaky and out of it most of the time. That was just for a couple of years, though. Once I got into distance running, I began to look and act different. In a sense, distance running was my drug for many years, and I kind of prided myself on having this natural high and not having to use drugs to get my happy on. In fact, I became adamantly opposed to all drugs and alcohol. This was partly due to messages from my parents and the media, but also because I was becoming a control freak and purist who would never do anything that might make me do something crazy, or that would in some way damage my body or psyche (or take away from my athletic performance). It’s interesting that the same year that I said “no” to drugs, I also: Quit the guitar and stopped listening to music; quit masturbating; stopped watching t.v.; started distance running; became radically antisocial (I stopped talking to even my closest friends, and never dated or partied); and decided — no, swore — I was never going to ever use another swear word ever again. Without knowing anything about Nietzsche, I was well on my way to becoming an ubermensch. I had chosen the ascetic path, and it was a path I more or less kept on for most of my adult life.

And there is a sense of being “self-born”, too, in that growing up I never had a real teacher or mentor, I was just following the lead of the inner guru, tormenting as it was sometimes.

[Note: Here is some more about Swayambus...

There are 14 Manvantar's in each Kalpa. Each Manvantar (a period of 31,104,000 years) is started by a Manu. The current Manvantar is the seventh Manvantar. This Manvantar was started by Vaivasvat Manu. Our history records 6 earlier Manu's as: Swayambhu Manu, Swarochi Manu, Uttam Manu, Tamas Manu, Raiwat Manu, and Chakshush Manu.

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TEMPLE FEATURES

The Lingam from Pralayakala

The presiding deity is a swayambu linga and the oldest among the 64 in the world. Even before the `pralayam' (deluge), this linga with `gnana sakthi' (Parvati) existed here. According to Agneya Purana, the linga was facing west when the Sun God offered his worship here. It is peculiar to see two Nandis here one behind the other, facing Vanchinathar in the sanctum sanctorum.

The Shiva Lingam in Sri Vanchiyam at the sanctum sanctorum is a "Swayambu (self-manifested)" one. It was in the shape of "Theyu" during Pralaya Kalam, "Rathnam" in Krudhayuga, "Golden" in Thredha Yuga, "Silver" in Dhwapara Yuga and "Stone" in Kaliyuga. This is stated in "Samboba puranam". Sri Agasthia Muni - came to South during the celestial marriage of Goddess Parvathi with Shiva, He came to Sri Vanchiyam via Vedaranyam, He spotted the Swayambu Lingam - according to this puranam.

The sanctity of this temple has been described in Brahmandam, Skandam, Samboban and Agneya Puranas.

Six places on the banks of the river Cauvery are said to be the most sacred and equivalent to Varanasi: Thiruvengadu, Tiruvaiyaru, Sayavanam, Mayuram, Tiruvidaimarudur and Srivanchiyam. Out of these, Srivanchiyam is "one-sixteenth" more sacred than Kasi (Varanasi). Lord Shiva is said have told Parvati that He loves this place the most.]